When the Corona Virus blows over everything will go back to normal… Except everyone’s view on toilet paper. I can already visualize the memes describing The Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. Perhaps even a Ken Burns special on Netflix with moving pictures of 12 pack rolls of toilet paper.
Until then we need to make the best of the situation and get clever to make it through the Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020.
Here are 5 things to use when you run out of toilet paper.
The Obvious Choices
1. The first thing to do when handling a shortage crisis is trying to cut your need for the product. A bidet is an amazing and sanitary way to stop toilet paper usage altogether. This is a device that sits in the back of your toilet bowl and sprays your body’s exit point once you finish your “duty.” Because you are being sprayed clean all you need is a towel to dry off. There are moments when you need something more disposable than a towel to clean up. One alternative can be commonly found in the kitchen
2 – We’ve all been there. You’re stranded on the toilet and the toilet paper roll is empty. Nobody is home to help and you’re unable to keep a stock because of the shortage. Time to waddle to the kitchen and grab the paper towel roll. This is what I like to call “John Wayne Toilet Paper”: rough, tough and doesn’t take shit from anybody. Just don’t try to flush it…
There is something else. Another product you spot while you’re in the kitchen standing in the oh-so uncomfortable “semi-clenched position.”
3 – The next best thing is a sponge! Not everyone keeps a sponge in the kitchen but perhaps you have one stashed away somewhere in your home. They absorb water, they clean easily and can be reusable. A perfect alternative in a time of crisis. All the things I’ve mentioned are luxury items, the next one is as primal as it gets.
Or when luxury is not an option
4 – Leaves, moss, and tree bark are far from luxurious. But in times of desperation, you may have to use the gifts that mother nature gives you. I would defer to moss first purely for softness, but bark would get the job done for any scraping or scrubbing. Leaves are the obvious neutral alternative. Make sure you can identify which leaves are safe and which ones are poisonous.
5 – This last option is an absolute last resort in my opinion. If you have no other choice, rip paper out of any books you have laying around. Paper is rough, it doesn’t flush, and it can be hard to manage in a sensitive area. Desperate times call for desperate actions, so no judgment if it comes to this.
Now that you know…Stock up on books!
If you need to add an extra book in the house…just in case. You can check out my book Brain Hacking which is a great read on or off the toilet. Here is a link for you to order it off of Amazon
As we settle into quarantine, this moment in history will be the onset of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. You will tell future generations that you braved the crisis and had every base covered.